Monday, April 27, 2015

uncertainty




It started out as over-thinking training. It was coming up to the ride season, I was nervous again after a year-and-a-half break, so went back and read some books/articles. Of course they say I need to do X number of miles per week at X speed. Which I have never in my life been able to do, not the mileage or the speed. So the doubt crept in.

I haven’t done a successful ride in a year and a half. Last year I did no rides due to Major’s nasty abscess, then ulcers, then lack of finances due to treating aforementioned maladies. The year before I had a successful ride at Cache Creek, but was then waylaid by a badly glued boot (my own fault) and a random lameness. The circumstances soured me on the whole thing, but the drive remained…maybe.

Then I’ve had a crappy training schedule, and not enough time in the saddle to feel like tackling an upcoming 50. But maybe the 25? I feel like I am back to square one, knowing my horse is going to be awful (not looking forward to managing a race-brained idiot). I can’t even think of the fun things (horse camping, friends, seeing lovely trails) without the worry of managing my horse (will he even drink? eat? not be crazy?)

I know there is no certainty in horses, and endurance riding in particular. But I am not a person who thrives very well on the unknown. While I do not put plan to paper, I do always have something in my logical brain, some plan of how things will go. Which I can’t do for a ride, not at my current stage of training.


But I’m going to try. I’m going to be an anxious mess with a hot horse, not that much different than the green team we were a few years ago. Three years forward, two years back. But I hope we learned something along the way. I’ll see after this weekend...


14 comments:

  1. Good luck. And you just summed up why I probably will never do an endurance ride.

    Spot on.

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    1. Yeah, all the fear and anxiety are awful. And I can't really do enough rides to get my horse "used" to that much commotion. Before and during I'm a mess, but after I'm usually proud, and forget all the crappy stuff. We'll see what happens this time...

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  2. Cache creek? Ill see u there :)

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  3. I honestly think it's normal for many of us out here to have alot of these same issues your going through. (your not on an island!)It's a hard sport, no doubt about it. Just keep trying! It's hard to have fun in the midst of all the fear and worry. Does it help to bring the SO or a friend that you can ride with. It really helped my race brained morgan mare to have another horse to ride with.

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    1. oh yes, I love that all of you can understand and empathize! Getting past the fear part is the hardest. I do drag along my SO, he actually loves it and volunteers all day at the ride, totally in his helpful element. I haven't found someone to ride with that paces well with me, either too fast or too slow, so we'll go it alone unless we find someone on the trail. Thanks for the support!

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  4. Good luck! I hope you all have a great time :)

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  5. I endlessly admire the people that tackle this sport alone, without a buddy on another horse. I suspect Lily would be just like Major under those circumstances! Even then, I still stress about the start. Totally understand how you feel!

    I hope you have a truly wonderful, fun, successful ride!

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    1. I'm a loner by nature, and Major is just as happy on the trail by himself too. But when 50 horses gather in that rush, you know that is hard to contain! thanks!

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  6. Good luck! I will be thinking of you!

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  7. & you Did just fine! You endured!

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