conversations with major: spa day

Hey buddy!
What are you doing here? You were here already when I got my feet cut off.
You got a foot trim, and were a little bit of a jerk.
I try to pull my foot away when I think he's going to cut my foot off.
You know the trimmer, he is a nice guy. He hasn't cut your foot off yet.
But he COULD! I am being cautious.
Right. OK, Let's go.

Oh good! You don't have riding pants on, so I just get to eat grass.
Not exactly.
What do you mean?
Just stand here. Put these on your feet.
But I got new orange boots last week. I like my orange go-fast boots. These are ugly clunky, NOT fashionable. Ah, now they have water in them!
Just a quick soak after a new trim, gets any yucky stuff out.
Whatever. Not interested anymore. Carrot?
You have to stand for awhile and be patient.
You always say this "pay-shunce." I think you should pay someone else, I don't like to stand here.
Good, because we'll be done in a few minutes.

Done, yeah, we're done, let's eat grass. Wait, I don't want to go over there. 
It's the last warm day of the year.
Not sure what that has to do with anything...oh look, a snack!
It's some bribery for after...
I don't know what this "bribery" is, but it looks like my new favorite snack, alfalfa cubes, oh boy. Gimme! Wait, after?

I am wet.
I know.
But I see my snack. Is it "after" now?
Sorry, no.

I am not talking to you.
It's not that bad Major.
I was wet, which was bad enough, Now I have poison on me.
It's soap.
It is scary white stuff.
But you'll be SO nice and clean after.
hmff!

Get it off. I can see it. And I am still wet. The poison will kill me.
Not dead yet!
It's not funny.
I think it is, sorry buddy, one bath a year, you'll be fine.

Here you go, though you were a bit dramatic.
Oh, my treat! Yum! nom, nom, nom.
See, that wasn't so bad, right?
Can't hear you, I'm eating, I haven't eaten all day.
You still had some hay in your slow-feeder when I got here, leftover from breakfast.
Oh, that hay, it wasn't GOOD wet stuff, plus it was in the torture net.
You eat just fine from the net.
It takes me longer than EVERYONE else to eat.
Well Major, you're just special then.
I know.

Let's just go for a walk, and you can dry off.
Let's eat here.
OK.
This is the best stuff, but I can barely reach it!
There is plenty all over.
THIS stuff is good. It is UNDER the fence, can't you see?
Not especially Major, you horses are weird.

Behave yourself, and you can eat out here.
Out here! In the runway?
Do NOT think of it as a runway Major, it is the chute between pastures, You can only stay here if you behave.
This is the BEST grass.
It is the same weeds in your pasture 50 feet away.
Nope, these are better. I'll behave.
I've heard that before. But you need to dry a bit more.
Why?
Just because.

Time to go back now.
But I haven't finished eating all the grass in the runway.
There is too much for one day, maybe later.
Is NOW, later?
No buddy, sorry. Back in the pasture.
OK, oh carrot in my salt pan, yeah! trot, trot, oh, poo pile! I should roll!
Hey Major, come over here, have another carrot.
Oh boy, more carrot! 
Good, that distracted you a bit.
What, huh? Distracted? From what?
Nothing...you're just so clean and pretty...
Don't worry, I know I smell weird, I'll roll soon.
Just TRY to stay a little clean, I think you look and smell pretty.
I think you're the weird one...