conversations with major: pirate

What are you doing Mom?
I am the Dread Pirate Roberts!
You whistled like Mom, and gave me carrots.
Ha, do not assume, beast. Let’s go out.
Uh, ok. Why are you a pirate?
To steal from the rich, and go on endurance rides. I’ve also traded my ship for an F250.

No, I mean why are you dressed like that?
It’s silly Major.
Oh, I know silly, can I be silly?
No, let’s just go for a walk.
Dressed like that?!
Yes.
This is so embarrassing.
I’ll remind you of that when you’re prancing like an idiot...

Where are we going?
The cliffs of insanity! I mean just down the road…
Oh, ok! Let’s go!
We first must navigate the fire swamp. We avoid the lightning sand, and listen for and avoid the flame spurt…
Woah, flame spurt? I don’t think so. I’ve already been in the sand by the lake, you said we have to be careful there.
We are careful there Major, we’re not going by the lake.

Oh good. down the road. Eat some moss, eat some grass, hey what’s that? Big rat!
Rodents of Unusual Size? I don’t think they exist.
Oh, that’s not scary. mmm, acorns.
Major, you need to play along!
We saw a big squirrel last week.
Gee, thanks.

I hear the dinner truck!
No one else will eat your dinner.
But it’s coming, let’s go!
No, just be good. My loyal crew is here to take some pictures. Luckily they’ve made the transition from hoisting the sails to putting on hoof boots and making mash.
Oh mash, when can I have my mash?
Dinner will wait a few minutes. Just be patient.
I am not good at that.
Yes, I know.

Where are we going next?
The Dread Pirate Roberts never tells, but I imagine many miles down the trail, there is a perfect story waiting to be told.
What?
We’re gong to trailer out somewhere fun Major, it’ll be a good time.
Oh yeah! I love new places! Can I get dinner now?
As you wish.

related conversation: conversations with major: inconceivable